The Descent into Notoriety
by GyptianRose
Summary: Have you ever wondered how the Marauders turned into the chummy, sexually ambiguous loverfriends we fanpersons secretly hope they are? Well, here's a personal take for your reading enjoyment. An SBRL, which has been described by others as amusing.
1. Chapter 1

So, here's the usual:

**Disclaimer&Warnings**: Y'all know I'm not the owner of Harry Potter or his affiliates, or this would be a 530294-page book instead of a fanfic. Slash abounds, sexy things are wont to happen (nothing too graphic, though) and language is not always child-friendly.

**Content&Pairings**: Review if you'd like to see improvements, or you don't want me to die of no-love disease… This fic is a touch light-hearted, but the first chapter is deceivingly fluffier than the others. It's a (fruit) salad-like mix of marauder pairings through the whole story, (no Snape-love this time) and there's a definite focus on SBRL. Enjoy!

* * *

It was sometime in Remus's fourth year that a fangirl dream came true. He was heading down to lunch with the other Marauders on a spring Friday, when James brought up the Hogsmeade weekend that was nearly upon them. "Are you coming this time, Moony?" 

Remus gave him a very apologetic look. "I've got a lot to catch up on from when I was sick on Wednesday, I'd better stay in. What're you going to do there?"

James frowned at him with the slightest amount of concern. "That furry little problem of yours makes you miss far too much fun… Sirius and I were planning on drinking an excessive amount of firewhiskey, but if you're not going to be there we might just take up ornithology again. You're the mature-looking one who always orders for us." He looked beyond Remus to Sirius, "isn't that right, Padfoot?"

Peter frowned thoughtfully. "What's ornithology?"

"Bird-watching," Remus answered dutifully.

"Why would you want to go ornithologing, James?"

"Not that sort of bird-watching. _Bird_-watching."

As a look of comprehension came over Peter's face (oh, _bird_-watching…), Sirius gave Remus his eyebrow look. "How _do_ you explain things like that without making Wormtail here feel like a complete idiot? You should be a teacher, mate." He grinned and gave Peter a little push. "Today's special bird on our list is what's known in Europe as the large-breasted Evans – right, Prongs?"

"Shut it!" James's face glowed.

As they approached the Gryffindor table, a dozen girls were crowded in a circle and talking in the mysterious squeal-giggle language. "Whatever could they be on about?" Sirius asked as the others took a seat.

"Some girl ordered posters from a new pop group today at breakfast; you slept in and missed it. That's probably one of them."

"Riddle me this, Moony: Why're they going nuts like that? "

"Perhaps you should ask them." Remus gave Sirius a grin that suggested a challenge.

"Perhaps I will!" He pushed his way between the girls. "What in God's name are you so obsessed with?"

A testy-looking girl rolled her eyes at him. "Nothing _you'd_ be interested in."

"And why not?"

"Take a look for yourself!" She pointed at the poster on the table. The band mates posing on the poster were clearly more than friends – all four of the slim boys were sitting together on a couch and acting as flirtatiously as possible. Scandalously enough, at least one pair was always snogging at a time.

Sirius looked at them, not with disgust in particular, but significant bemusement. "Why in the world would you be so girly over a gay band?"

"Don't be a prat. You and the quidditch star like that lesbian band, don't you?"

"That's just because they're the best current magic-punk group out there, don't be so shallow. Here, I'll prove it – James!" He turned around and yelled, "Tell these girls why you love Carpetmunch!"

"They're bloody hot, that's why! Mostly the femme one with the long hair. Sheena or whatever?"

Sirius heaved a sigh. "…ok, don't pay attention to James. He's got his mind in the gutter. But _I_ like them for their music. Especially Tabby, the butch."

Another girl sneered at him – his strange conversation had attracted the attention of the table. "So you're into tough girls, Black?"

"Nothing like that, your minds are in the gutter, too… Don't look at me that way! She's a damn good drummer!" He threw his hands in the air and went to collapse in the empty seat between James and Remus. "Women…"

Remus smiled wisely. "I don't know why you put up with them… maybe the chaps in that band have the right idea, after all."

Sirius rolled his eyes and deadpanned idly, "Moony, are you coming on to…" He stopped suddenly and looked at Remus with wonder. "YOU BLOODY GENIUS! Why didn't I think of it before?" He threw his arms around Remus ecstatically. Remus paled and recoiled slightly – he was _not_ used to being touched – but he patted Sirius's back awkwardly for a moment.

"Care to tell me what bright idea I've come up with now?" Remus asked no one in particular, giving James a bewildered look.

Sirius finally pulled himself away and gazed at Remus with wonder. "The chaps in that band have the right idea because they probably can't keep the women away from them! Besides, you're a touch girlish…" He reached out and ran a hand along Remus's waist, making the poor werewolf jump a little. "Your middle is thinner than your hips, for Merlin's sake… do you eat at all?" He didn't bother to wait for an answer, however, and turned to James with a look that always reminded Remus of a puppy with a leash in its mouth. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"This is the dawn of a new era, Padfoot! Come here and give us a kiss…"

And, like that, the four of them (three of them, really, since nobody particularly wanted to snog Peter…) made a new name for themselves that captured the attention of nearly every girl at Hogwarts.

* * *

Yep, that's how they became known as the Notorious Bisexuals. See my other fics for more background, since I'm really writing one long story very non-linearly, aside from the stray one-shot here or there. I know this is set up a bit like a one-shot, but I have more in store! Review if you want speedier updates… -nudge- 


	2. Chapter 2

You know all this. I'm not posing as J.K. Rowling, I'm just borrowing her characters and setting and elements of her plot because I'm far too lazy/incompetent to come up with those on my own. This is slash and, so people tell me, it's somewhat amusing. Enjoy!

* * *

Sirius watched Remus over the book he was pretending to read for a while, vaguely contemplating the events that had followed that interesting lunch earlier that day. It was, of course, an eventful afternoon, and rumors were flying rapidly by nightfall. James had given him a goodnight kiss on the cheek while some third-years squealed about an hour earlier, and the two of them were alone.

"What're you reading, Moony?"

Remus looked up, a little surprised. "The Call of the Wild – it's just muggle fiction."

"That sounds terribly dull…" Sirius tossed his own book aside (Intermediate Transfiguration, which looked as though it was rarely opened) and sat next to Remus on his squashy couch.

The thin werewolf raised his eyebrows mildly. "Well, I find it fascinating." He paused for a moment and put the paperback aside, turning to Sirius with a rather astute expression. "Were you looking to start a conversation, Padfoot?"

"Er…" Sirius, caught off guard, glared at a satisfied-looking Remus. "I _was_, until you had to go and be all shrewd like that…"

"Sorry," said Remus, who was clearly not. "You were going to say?"

Sirius leaned back languidly and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "You just seemed to be acting a bit odd today. Wondered if everything is all right, is all…"

"_I_ was acting a bit odd? I might remind you that I was not pretending to be madly in love with anyone."

"Well, Prongs didn't flinch every time I laid a finger on him! And I know for a _fact_ that you've finished all your work, so you've lied to us about not being able to go to Hogsmeade again."

Remus bit his lip. "Why didn't you say anything when I told Prongs I couldn't go?" He was clearly ignoring Sirius's first complaint.

"You're always backing out on fun events; I didn't really think anything of it..."

"But you do now?" Remus seemed apprehensive.

"Not really, it's just sort of compounded on how jumpy you've been… What's wrong?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary, I suppose."

Sirius snorted. "Liar."

Remus looked slightly defeated. "It's just that I'm not entirely used to being touched, really." He sighed and began talking to the fire, the light from it making him look quite tired. "You know, my parents were always rather wary of me after I was bitten. Even my mother was careful not to touch me if she could avoid it. My father would hardly come near me, unless…" He trailed off, his eyes looking far away. Sirius chose not to press further, but after several minutes of brooding silence he felt the need to say _something. _

"Er, mate… if there's any way I can help you, or something…" he rested a hand on Remus's arm (a carefully selected body part: the hand would have been too suggestive, the shoulder a hint cold) apprehensively, only to be met with a slight flinch.

Remus turned to give him a small smile that was a mixture of apology and appreciation. "If you're planning to use me as some sort of squeeze toy for picking up girls with, Padfoot, I suppose you'd better."

"Oh, don't put it like that! You'll be up to your neck in birds, too, you'll see… it's the perfect plan." Sirius was relaxed again, grinning cheerfully. One hand was tucked behind his head, but the one on the side nearer Remus stretched out towards him. "Here, hold my hand for a bit and get used to it." His companion eyed him warily. "Don't get funny on me – I'm doing this for your sake. How're you supposed to get any dates if you can't go about holding hands? You're looking at a very virginal life until you get past this."

Remus grinned and slipped his hand into Sirius's. "It's always good to know you're looking out for my well-being." He was oddly stiff for the first few minutes, but Sirius refused to let him go.

After a few minutes, he figured Remus was rather peaceful-looking enough. "You s'pose you're ready for the next step?"

"Whatever might that entail?"

Sirius answered by carefully tracing his hand up Remus's arm and across to his opposite shoulder, draping it there with the graceful laziness that he had a knack for. He noticed with the slightest shock how thin Remus was – his upper arm was the width of Sirius's wrist, and his shoulders were almost completely fleshless.

Remus looked quite anxious, but he had set his jaw resolutely. Eventually he relaxed and rested his head gently against Sirius, who took this as a sign to slip his other arm around him. He felt Remus give a slight quiver and looked down at a head of wavy, unhealthy-looking brown hair. "You all right?" he asked. The hair nodded. It was an oddly tender interaction between the two of them, and Sirius wondered idly if it was really the mere friendly favor that they'd been making it out to be. What bothered him slightly was what James might think. Surely, he wouldn't be too upset, but… his two best mates together? The Marauder dynamic would be all off. Perhaps he was over-thinking the whole thing, though. Sirius and Remus… no, he couldn't see it happening.

Remus drifted off to sleep just as Sirius's arm did the same a few hours later, but Sirius himself did not even realize he had fallen asleep until the sound of someone's voice woke him up.

"Well, isn't that just the cutest thing?"

Sirius grunted and opened one eye. A tall kid with thick, round glasses was grinning down at him mischievously. "It's not what it looks like, and you haven't got room to talk anyway."

"Spoken like a true Marauder, mate. Shove your sweetheart off your chest and join me for breakfast, won't you?"

Sirius poked Remus in the side. "Up you get, Moony!"

"Mm?" Remus rubbed one eye groggily and didn't seem to register that he was in the common room for a few seconds. "How did I… oh... I'm sorry, Padfoot, I didn't mean to fall asleep…"

"Nah, I could have pushed you out of the way if I liked, you're about as heavy as a ghost." They both stood up and stretched. "To the Great Hall, shall we?"

They walked together for a distance before the inevitable question was asked by James: "So, if that wasn't what it looked like… what was it?"

"Er…" Sirius stalled and glanced at Remus. What _was_ it? "Moony here was acting all odd when we were, you know, acting _funny_, so I thought I'd give him some instruction on how not to have a heart attack the next time someone wants to hold his hand."

"Oh… I figured Moony was just homophobic yesterday, or something. Glad you've gone and set him straight, Padfoot. Well, perhaps 'straight' isn't the best term to use…"

"You hush, those lessons are going to be incredibly worthwhile once we're lined up for a good dozen dates between us. Who've we got set up for our Hogsmeade whirlwind tour so far, Prongs?"

"For you, we're featuring the lovely Anastasia McCarthy as your tea hour, and you've got to ask Kate Willowson yourself for your evening if you want her, but I'm completely certain she fancies you…"

Sirius looked pleased. "And for Mr. Prongs?"

James sighed in a world-weary way. "I asked Evans to go with you and Anastasia for tea as a double-date, but she just sort of glared at me."

"Dunno why you waste your time with that prude, I could set you up with a dozen other girls… all the Ravenclaws think your glasses are quite sexy, you know."

"Don't call her a prude! All the other girls here look like Snivellus in comparison to Evans."

Sirius gave a sigh of false exasperation. "I give up… have you got anyone for Moony or Wormtail?"

"There's a nice Ravenclaw I've been fixing up for Moony… the keeper, you know? But he said he's not coming, so I didn't set a date or anything…"

"Lena Banks, the bird with the dreadlocks?" Sirius was rather impressed.

"Yeah, I heard her talking about how brilliant you are or something, Moony. Dunno if she fancies you, exactly." James looked at Remus with interest. "D'you fancy her?"

Remus shrugged. "I really don't know her that well."

Sirius threw his hands up, as though Remus had just said something outrageous. "Whatever does that matter? She's got a nice arse!"

* * *

It never hurts to finish a chapter with the word "arse." This update was rather speedy, don't you think? Thanks for the reviews, you special people… Especially Captain Oz, you've been reviewing me since, like, my first fic ever. It makes me feel almost like I've got followers or something… -sniffle- 


	3. Chapter 3

Yes, yes, you know the drill. I'm not J.K. Rowling, um, duh. She's a pregnant multibillionaire from London, and I'm a 16-year-old American who is neither rich nor knocked up. This chapter is slash-tastic and has a few bad words. This fic is also here to de-bunk the myth of Moony and Padfoot hiding their love from Prongs. Would you make your best friend your secret keeper if he went months without telling you that he was being naughty with your other best friend? It's a bit long, for me, too... nearly 2000 words!

* * *

Remus frowned into the dormitory's bathroom mirror. He had a date set up with Lena Banks, whom he didn't know very well or particularly fancy, and was ritually scrutinizing every flaw he could find on his face. He was leaning forward and poking at the dark circles under his eyes when he felt a calloused hand creep around his waist. 

"Hello, Sirius." He glanced up at the taller boy and then squinted at himself again. "I wish there was a way to make my hair look as good as yours."

Sirius looked scandalized. "Vanity? From the lips of my dearest Moony? The world is turning upside down…"

"The thought of actually having a date is what shocks me." Remus sighed – his lips were terribly chapped. _Why do you have to go and bite them all the time?_

"Oh, I could see you and Lena being all right for each other… you'd be sort of opposites-attract." Sirius was thoughtful now. "Really, what do you have to worry about?"

Remus turned away and looked up at him, disregarding the whining sound his reflection made at being ignored. "You don't want me to make a list, do you?"

"Moony, you're missing the point. I mean, you're quite good-looking, so you've no reason to be poking at yourself..." Remus half-expected Sirius to be grinning sarcastically, but he looked sincere. "Don't look at me like that! Quit fretting."

Remus kept himself from snorting, but it must have been clear that he wanted to. "I'd rather not know why you think that, Padfoot, but aside from my—um—debatable looks, there's still the fact that I've never been out with a girl before."

"Aw… is wee Moony worried about snogging?"

Remus wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that. Say yes, and be ridiculed, or say no and be ridiculed for lying. Then again, he could say yes and get another "lesson," which might not be an entirely bad thing… "Er, I suppose so. Among other things… Would I really need to bother about that on a first date? I thought it was the sort of thing you eased into." He looked at Sirius for a moment and added as an afterthought, "well, perhaps not _you_."

"And I'm the one who got Kate Willowson into my room just last week, aren't I? Here, turn towards me and we'll see if you're a natural-born kisser or not. If you are, you've got nothing to worry about. If you're not, I can train you personally." He grinned wickedly when Remus gave him a slightly protesting look, "unless you'd prefer to find another teacher? Or, perhaps, have Lena dump you because of your incredibly poor snogging skills?"

"No, no… I don't know how you drag me into these things, Padfoot." Remus turned to Sirius, as he was told, and bit his lip nervously.

Sirius sighed. "The first thing you've got to do is quit biting your lip. How d'you expect me to kiss you if half your lip's in your mouth?" Remus hadn't even noticed what he was doing. "That's better… here, I know this sounds rather trite, but open your mouth just a touch and close your eyes."

His eyes were tightly closed, despite a protest of, "isn't this what _girls_ are supposed to do?"

"Isn't Sirius Black your most esteemed professor of snogology?"

"My apologies, sir."

The witty banter was all well and good until a rather foreign-feeling tongue pressed against Remus's. In fact, an entire face seemed to have collided with his, and if he wasn't mistaken there was a rough, familiar hand at the back of his neck. Before he could think about what had just happened, he instinctively found Sirius's shoulder with his hand for balance and began artfully reciprocating every movement that Sirius's tongue made. The connection was strangely electric, and for a few blissful seconds (or minutes) it seemed as though they'd entered a plane of reality in which only the two of them existed. Space seemed to be a mere theory on this plane; how close together were they, exactly? Were their mouths as suddenly cavernous as they seemed to be? Sirius was pulling dangerously closer when he abruptly backed off and stared at Remus. They were both reeling and panting slightly, as though they were shocked to find themselves back in the grimy bathroom.

"Er… I'd guess that you're quite natural-born."

Remus had a little trouble getting his mouth to form words. "That's relieving, I suppose."

"Yeah, you're lucky. Prongs says he had to learn from someone, but he won't tell me who…" Sirius chuckled weakly.

The air in the small bathroom had enough tension to cut with a knife and serve to a small country. "I suppose I'd better go and meet Lena now. Are you going to Hogsmeade with James?"

"No, I think we're going to stay here. Evans is staying, you know…"

"Oh, right. I'll be back to tell you all the grisly details over dinner, I expect."

"Brilliant – er, it looks like your lip is bleeding, Moony."

"Damn, really?" Remus touched a finger to his mouth and examined it. "Yes, that is blood…" He sucked on his lower lip for a moment and shrugged. "It'll stop in a few minutes…" He could still taste traces of Sirius's saliva in his mouth, and the mix of that and his blood was very odd. He didn't think he could be in the same room as Sirius for much longer. "I'll... um... I'll see you, Padfoot."

* * *

Sirius found James under their tree on the grounds, playing idly with his snitch. "You look like you've walked through Nearly-Headless Nick, mate." 

"It was way better than that." He'd wandered around in a daze for nearly an hour before heading outside, and was still in complete shock.

James caught the snitch and stuck it in his pocket. "What in the devil are you talking about?"

"Er… promise you won't laugh."

"No reasonable person promises that. It's bound to be hilarious."

"You shut it…"

"I'm listening, dearest."

"So I walked in on Moony being all anxious over his date with Lena..."

"Dunno why, she's not _that_ good-looking."

"How often does Moony date, though? This is probably the first time a set-up has fallen through."

"Come to think of it, I suppose it is…"

"Anyway, I was reassuring him that he was quite good-looking and all the rest, and I started teasing him about being all worried about snogging, and… er… told him I'd teach him to snog."

"How torrid. Did he take you up on the offer?"

"I don't think he really needed it, to be honest. He's quite good."

"…what? Don't tell me you actually…" Sirius's face answered for him. "And he was good? Merlin, I didn't see that one coming… Like, how good?"

"Like, phenomenal. Earth-shattering. Unparalleled."

"Ah." James seemed unsure of what to say. "Yes, that would explain why you're rather shell-shocked. Er… so, are you…"

Sirius didn't need for James to finish the sentence. "I don't suppose so. I mean, kisses are just that, aren't they? Just kisses. Doesn't mean I'm… you know…"

"Of course."

"Er… if I was… would you mind terribly?"

James eyed him suspiciously for a few minutes, and Sirius felt his neck begin to get rather hot. "Of course I wouldn't, you troll. I can't believe you fell for that!"

"Honestly?"

"Do I lie to fellow Marauders?" James looked thoughtful for a moment. "I think I'd mind terribly if I was hearing you and Moony go bump in the night, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, shut up… it isn't as though he fancies me."

"After an 'earth-shattering' kiss? How could he not?"

"I dunno! I don't even know if _I_ fancy him." There was a slight buzzing in Sirius's ears that he assumed was caused by his thoughts. "D'you ever think he's hot?"

"Not really… Even if I fancied chaps, I don't think I would. He looks like a war orphan or a rag doll or something."

"I suppose… wish I knew what his arse looked like, everything he owns is too big for him."

"What is with you and arses? Honestly, you probably _are_ a pouf…"

"Oh, shut up…poor Moony probably hasn't even _got_ an arse, you know. He's all bone and scar tissue."

"Er, sorry…" James seemed a little ashamed about having used the word 'pouf' on his best friend. "Wormtail should donate some of his ample backside to the cause."

"Where _is_ Wormtail?"

"Getting tutored for nearly every class. He's going to fail all his finals if he doesn't."

"That figures." Sirius leaned his head against the tree and let his bangs fall across his eyes. "D'you reckon Moony might fancy me?"

"There's only one way to find out." James ruffled his hair and gave Sirius a sidelong glance. "If you do fancy him, does that mean you'd want to… you know… go a bit far with him?"

"I dunno. He could just be a grand kisser. I mean, you don't mind snogging me occasionally if Evans or a girl I'm after is around, but you're probably the straightest person I've ever met. If he fancies me, thought, I suppose it would be worth a try."

"Disgusting…" James noticed Sirius glaring at him as he stifled a bored yawn. "It's only gross because it's you and _Moony_, really. I could put up with you holding hands and acting like a couple, so long as you're not snogging all over the place, but it's bad enough waking up in the middle of the night to you making all manner of dog noises with Merlin knows who without it being, like, you and Moony howling or something… one best mate is plenty."

"He wouldn't howl… would he?"

"How would I know?"

Sirius grinned and brushed his hair out of his face. "I wouldn't hold his hand anyway… it would ruin my bad-boy image."

"We certainly can't let that happen." James looked considerably more comfortable than he'd been for the entire conversation. "I reckon it's time for supper, you want to see if the object of your affection is back yet?"

"He said that's when he'd be back… by the way, if you talk to him about any of this, I'll tell Evans the filthiest, most degenerate lies I can think of about you."

"The fact that you have to make up lies to tell Evans about me is quite complimentary, really."

Sirius shot him a severe glare. "I'll tell her the filthiest, most degenerate truths, then, if you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone."

James slapped a hand over his chest and said with his most pompous voice, "I am sworn to secrecy! No breathing of words from your most esteemed Prongs, dearest Padfoot."

Somehow Sirius had a feeling that James wouldn't be quite as silent as he was professing to be, but he didn't really intend on telling Evans anything, anyway. After all, what if Moony _did_ fancy him?

* * *

There you have it, the kiss that launched a million fangirlish squeals. I'm adoring the reviews I'm getting, loves, so do keep it up! Really, I love long, rambling reviews that have no point and quick little "Update or I slash you!" reviews. Heheh… slash me… -cough- ok, no more nerdy jokes for me. So, to re-cap: all reviews are lovely. They fuel me! Along with green tea, aspirin, and The Ramones… 


	4. Chapter 4

I took too long to do this, sorry, but I was in a floundery spot with it for a few days. **Disclaimer:** I didn't make up these characters, and I don't own them, but they were too cool to resist. I mean, c'mon. The Adventures of Sickly Werewolf Boy and his Unusually Handsome Partner in Crime? I couldn't make this stuff up, folks.

* * *

The shepherd's pie that Remus had just put on his plate looked slightly unappetizing as he poked at it with his fork. He had just come back from his date with Lena Banks, which went fine, though his mind had been rather preoccupied with the person who just sat down next to him.

"So?" Sirius grinned in an irresistibly puppyish way. "Spill!" Remus took that to mean they were to act as though nothing odd had happened between them that afternoon.

Remus allowed a small smile. "It went fine. Nothing catastrophic happened… or _anything_ of interest, really."

"Don't be stupid. We want _details_, mate." James, who sat down on the other side of him, looked equally curious. "C'mon, Padfoot always gives us a full run-down."

"Well... I can't say it was all that romantic. We spent nearly the entire tea talking about politics and classes." He stabbed at his food idly. "She's quite intelligent."

Sirius sighed deeply. "You're so _boring_. Tell me you talked about Quidditch or something."

"She didn't seem particularly keen on letting me in on any Ravenclaw tactics, if that's what you're wondering."

James seemed to have lost some interest after that statement, but he and Sirius kept prodding Remus steadily for information.

"…no, I can't say her hair was what you would call a 'turn-on,' Padfoot..."

"Pity. D'you fancy her?"

Remus sighed and twirled his fork on his plate. "Oh, I suppose not… she's got a rather strong presence, and I do think she's clever, but…" He thought he read something like relief in Sirius's expression, but it was quickly replaced by a concerned frown.

"Do you plan on eating that?"

"What?" He glanced down and realized that he had played with his food the entire time without bothering to find out what it tasted like. "It's gone cold by now, I suppose I haven't much of an appetite for it."

Sirius looked up at him, worry painted clearly all over his face. "You're going to starve, mate."

"No, it's fine. I'm not really hungry." Remus stood up and yawned. "I'm heading back to the common room, if you're done with your interrogation."

Sirius nearly tripped over his feet as he quickly stood up. "I'll come with you, then!" He looked oddly cheerful, Remus noticed him give James a look that he couldn't decipher.

* * *

"You wouldn't happen to mind telling me why you didn't eat breakfast _or_ dinner today, would you?" Sirius hissed angrily as they walked side by side.

Remus gave a tired sigh. "My eating habits have never been what you would call healthy, Padfoot, surely you've noticed…" Why was it that he had to explain himself, all of a sudden?

Sirius stopped dead and looked at him, his eyes darting quickly across Remus's face. "There are a lot of things about you I haven't noticed until just today."

Something vaguely resembling anger welled in Remus's chest. _So I've got to snog you if I can expect any kind of attention from you?_ He would have loved to shout that at Sirius and storm off, but a voice in his head calmly reminded him that he barely deserved a friend like Sirius in the first place. He compromised by chewing on his lip.

"Quit that, will you? Your mouth is mauled as it is."

"Er – sorry…" Remus smiled weakly. "You're turning into my mother, Padfoot."

"Don't you dare turn into mine." Sirius grinned, but quickly changed the subject. "So, what's this about your eating habits?" He started to walk towards the portrait hole again.

"Oh, that." He frowned, trying to think of the absolute best way to word himself. "I suppose I have a tendency to forget to eat if I'm preoccupied. Nearly drove my parents insane when I was younger, but I don't think it took much to worry them." He gave a nonchalant shrug, "I haven't died yet."

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "Honestly, you're going to be the first of us to go… What've you been preoccupied about?" he asked airily.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Surely you'd have an idea?" He didn't particularly want to talk about his feelings, considering he wasn't sure what they were at the moment.

Despite Sirius's tendency to be a touch thick, he seemed to take the hint, and didn't speak again until they reached the portrait hole. As they walked, Sirius managed to get a few strides ahead of Remus because his legs were a bit longer. Remus didn't mind, as he had a chance to study Sirius's lithe and exceedingly handsome frame from behind. He had yet to find a way to abate the constant contemplation of what had happened that morning, and neither of his dueling consciences showed any signs of letting up. _"Listen to your instincts,"_ his kinder side would say, only to be rebutted with _"just like that instinct that makes you want to bite into people?" _by the side that was somewhat more self-loathing. Remus sighed inaudibly. He had always looked up to Sirius, sure, but… He watched as Sirius brushed his hair back with all the grace of a model. Was it really a crush? Did he _want_ to kiss Sirius? Did he want more than that? He twisted his hands together convulsively – he wasn't even entirely sure what "more" entailed.

Sirius stopped suddenly in the hallway as though he had caught a scent. Remus, catching up with him quickly, stood silently next to him. As he had suspected, a greasy, lank-haired boy stood opposite them, whipping his wand out. He didn't have a chance, though – Sirius had already shouted "_impedimenta_," which knocked him onto his back before he could say anything.

"I reckon that's just what I needed. Shall I lay my cloak on him so you can step over him, milady?" Sirius grinned and leaned closer to Remus, turning his attention away from Snape, who was struggling against the jinx to get up.

Remus sighed wearily. "Honestly, Padfoot…"

"What? You know he'd hex my head off if I gave the nasty scum a chance." Sirius made a move to wrap his arm around Remus's waist, but he became aware of that Snape had gotten hold of his wand a second too late. Before either of them could react, Remus felt something hot slash across his chest. He stumbled back a few feet, hearing Sirius shout all manner of swears and jinxes after Snape, who was scrambling away in the opposite direction. "You all right, mate?" He turned to Remus again, looking concerned.

"I think so..." Remus knew he was wincing a little as he clutched the gash across his torso, but it didn't feel all that deep.

Sirius sighed. "You always say that, Moony, let me see." He pushed Remus's hand out of the way and surveyed the damage. "You and your bloody martyr attitude! Come on; let's go to the hospital wing…"

* * *

Madam Pomfrey crossed her arms when she saw the two of them at her door. "You and the rest of Potter's band make up half of the injuries in this place – nearly all of them if you count the ones that are your fault!" She eyed Remus with annoyance. "The one person who doesn't heal properly, for goodness sake… Come in, then, what is it this time?"

Sirius nudged Remus forward as Madam Pomfrey turned away from them to get out a foul-smelling potion that always seemed to help at least a little. "He was attacked by Snive—er, Severus Snape!"

"Oh? Well, come here, Lupin. Let me see…" Remus felt pale as he opened the front of his robes and the shirt underneath, exposing a clean, deep slash that was bleeding openly. Madam Pomfrey tutted, "Good gracious… Isn't Snape in your year? I should hope he's not learning jinxes like that from teachers!"

Sirius nodded, still looking angry. "Remus was just _standing_ there! Bloody cheater…"

Madam Pomfrey handed Remus the ointment and a small rag, then pointed to the most private-looking bed in the wing. "Even if you get that to where it's not bleeding, it's going to open every time you make to get up. There are some pajamas on the bed already."

Remus sighed. Didn't he have enough on his mind without having to be hexed in the hallway so often? He let Sirius give him a kiss on the cheek, but hinted that he'd like to undress alone. Once semi-comfortably in bed, he went at his gash with the rag. He was used to the stinging, and dabbed in an irritated sort of way at his wound.

"I think you may be doing more harm than good there, mate…" Sirius was standing with the curtains parted, looking apprehensive. Remus bit his lip in embarrassment – Sirius had seen the scars on his chest before, of course, but they were still a point of shame that he would have rather kept to himself when possible. "Honestly, you're not _trying_ to hurt yourself, are you?" Remus grew more sheepish still. "Here… give me that…"

Sirius dabbed gently at Remus's chest in silence for a while, his overt tenderness seeming almost alarmingly out of character to Remus. He asked quietly, "to what do I owe this consideration, Padfoot?"

Sirius grunted. "It was my fault."

"Oh, don't worry about that. Snape's just a loose cannon." Remus was privately relieved – Sirius had an occasional sense of remorse, with or without any romantic implications. He watched his companion closely for a few minutes, surreptitiously grinning when Sirius flipped his black hair out of his eyes in a vain way. He tried not to concentrate on yet another scuffle in his mind, which was about where one drew the line between admiration and attraction. Still, as Sirius's hair fell with determination back into his eyes, Remus considered himself lucky to have such a fanciable friend.

Remus had just leaned back and closed his eyes when Sirius said, "I reckon it's closed up now."

"Yes, I suppose it has… thanks, Padfoot." He sat up carefully and bit his lip with irritation. Surely, it wasn't quite normal to be left with a certain wanting for Sirius's touch?

Sirius flipped his hair out of his eyes again and gave him a sideways glance. "Something bothering you?"

"Not really." Sharing his feelings had never been Remus's strong point.

"I'll take that as a 'yes, but I don't feel like telling you because I'm Moony, and I'm a secretive little runt.'" Sirius stuck out his tongue.

Remus rolled his eyes, feigning exasperation. "That's precisely what was running through my head."

"Well, in that case, I could give you my top-dollar advice," Sirius grinned devilishly. "If there's anything that cheers me up, it's a good snogging."

"Because that last snog _absolutely_ cleared my head, Padfoot!"

Sirius looked thoughtful. "Yeah, well, you weren't quite prepared for that one. Grave error on my part, I'm afraid."

Remus just snorted.

"Oh, come _on_, Moony… it was fun the last time, wasn't it?" Sirius's puppy eyes were zeroed in on Remus's set face.

"You and your damn eyes! Fine, come here…"

* * *

Cliffhanger ahoy! Sort of… you know what's going to happen; at least you think so, but the tension! It's killing you! It's driving you to… review! My shoutout today goes to Vigeon for reading my stuff despite parental shielding techniques. 


	5. Chapter 5

I figured I'd write this next bit like a Freudian snog analyzation of Sirius. Tell me if it works or not, ok? I'm not sure about it. Anyway, I hope these updates are timely enough for you… end of the marking period is coming up soon, so they may be a little slow for a while due to Crunch Time. Ok, now I want some crunch cereal… on with the story!

* * *

It is interesting at this point to note at this point the kissing styles of Sirius Black. One who saw him sashay gracefully into a snog-worthy situation would surely notice the particular self-assurance with which he dove into a kiss – here was a young man who knew exactly what he wanted, and had a plan in place for getting it.

This stands in stark contrast with the kiss he was sharing with Remus Lupin at this time in our story – indeed, it stands in contrast with any kiss Sirius had before experienced. He had crept up so cautiously to meet Remus's mouth, so careful as he continued to pull closer to the sense of warmth and welcome that enveloped them, that he could hardly be recognized as the haughty, elegant character who dozens of girls hoped for a glimpse of. The conclusion that is easy to draw from this is that Sirius did _not_ know what he wanted, and was playing by ear (or tongue?) as he went. His hand was gentle as it reached to the nape of Remus's neck, suggesting that he was a little afraid of hurting him. It is harder to tell exactly what was on Remus's mind, as he wound his long, bony fingers around Sirius's silky hair…

"Out! OUT!" Madam Pomfrey had thrown the curtains open and was giving them the most furious glare. "This is not a kissing booth, this is a hospital wing! Get out this minute, Mr. Black!" Sirius looked as though he was about to retaliate for a moment, but seemed to find it best to dash to the common room. Remus thought he heard a whoop carry down the hallway. Madam Pomfrey glared at Remus for a minute, but eventually broke down at his shamed look and wrapped his cut.

She was soon distracted, however, by Lily Evans coming in with a sobbing, rather slight girl who refused to reveal her face. "Come on now, girl," Madam Pomfrey pleaded, "I can't fix it if I can't see it…"

Lily looked around with a slightly embarrassed expression until she noticed Remus sitting in his bed. They had a quasi-friendly relationship, although lately she'd been giving him the cold shoulder for the Vanishing Stair Trick she'd fallen prey to. Now she was smiling, though, and walked over to him awkwardly.

"What is she in for?" Remus inquired politely.

Lily rolled her eyes. "She keeps trying to give herself cosmetic surgery with her wand – today it was an attempt to make her eyelashes longer, but her whole eyelid has gone and sprouted hairs."

Remus grinned in spite of himself. "How unfortunate."

"You should have seen the time she made her own freckle-removing potion." Lily paused and gave a sidelong glance at the bandage which was slightly visible over his pajama shirt. "What are _you_ in for?"

"A run-in with Snape, you might say." Noticing the indignant look on her face, he quickly added, "I just happened to be standing next to Sirius, for the record."

Lily snorted. "That's a crime in and of itself. Black didn't sound too upset about your injury to me – did you hear him whooping down the hallway? I bet he'd just gotten a kiss off some girl as stupid as her." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, indicating the sobbing eyelash girl. "Hey, what's so funny?"

Remus had burst out laughing, unable to contain himself. He quickly said, "Nothing…" He very much liked being the only Marauder who Lily didn't despise, and had a feeling that whatever it was that he had with Sirius, it was better that she didn't find out.

She brushed her auburn hair back and squinted at him. "What _was_ Sirius Black so enthused about, then?"

"Er – you got part of it right."

"The snogging part, I imagine." She had a very shrewd expression now. "I bet it's got something to do with the fact that I saw him all goopy-looking with Potter the other day. I figured they just wanted attention, or were being 'open-minded' or something ridiculous like that. I don't suppose he was kissing some chap?"

Remus grinned. "You're a very good guesser." He didn't imagine that she would trace the kiss back to himself, as it was a somewhat outlandish thought. Sirius was known for being very picky.

"Ok, so… how would you know who it was, unless you were there? Was it in the hospital wing?"

He suddenly noticed a hole in his logic. "Yes, as a matter of fact, it was." He felt himself blanch and hoped that wouldn't lead her to the truth sooner.

Apparently it did, however, because she gave him an angry, surprised stare after looking around the hospital wing to find it devoid of any other males. "I think I've found the only reasonable straight chap who has half a brain in the world, and what does he decide to do? Fall in love with that stupid Black idiot, that's what!" She actually threw her hands in the air as she spoke.

"Er – 'in love' may be a slight overstatement."

She glared. "No, no, I know you're in love. You're not the sort of person who would even kiss someone if you weren't sure of what you were doing."

"But I'm not sure!" He hadn't meant to say that, but it slipped out before he realized it.

"Somewhere in there, you are. You just don't know it yet." She sighed. "Honestly. Who am I supposed to put my faith for the male race in now?"

"I'm sure James would be glad to accommodate." He grinned sheepishly at her.

"Ha! He's the worst. I'll give you points for not falling for Quidditch Star Extraordinaire, at least." She looked around and noticed that the eyelash girl was walking over to the two of them, heavily made up and every hair – facial or otherwise – in place. She looked vaguely familiar.

"Aren't you the model for Madam Malkin's?"

She looked at him as though he was from another planet for a moment, but said airily, "yes, I did some work for her over the summer." She turned back to Lily. "Thank you, Lily, for helping me. Are you going to stay with, er, him?"

A grin suddenly lit up Remus's face. "You know, Evans, you could always just do what I did, if you lose faith in men." He glanced at the model pointedly, who didn't seem to comprehend.

Lily looked both scandalized and amused. "Ew, I'd never do that! Women are just as bad, if not worse." She looked back at the model. "I'm ready to go now, I guess. Lupin, I do hope you get better." She gave him a kind smile as she stood up, and left Remus to ponder how he was somehow subconsciously confident about Sirius and yet more confused than he had ever been in his life. More ponderous still was how Lily could tell that sort of thing – at the very least, he was glad that he didn't have to worry about Sirius's "women's intuition" making anything stranger than it already was.

* * *

This chapter didn't move the plot too far, but I wanted him to talk to Lily so she could yell at him. I like Lily. You know what's next: I ask for reviews, because my pathetic self-esteem depends on it, and give a little love to a person of my choice. Today, it's Jeff, because he seems to think that I could actually be a real writer (people who say that go down in my Book of Love), looks forward to new chapters, and gives me very thoughtful reviews. Ooh and he's pretty. So, yay for Jeff! 


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